Depress

I am feeling depressing now. I don't know which is the exactly one, but all sum up just bring me down. Thats lots of things, I don't understand and I don't know what to do. 

How's my studies? Well everything is still alright, I keep myself do the revision, try not to miss lots of things at the end. It depresses me a little as no matter how hard I work I end up couldn't get what I want. It is just too difficult for me, sometimes I wonder how my future will go? I have no dream on something, even I have, I have tried so hard yet I still cant manage to do it. 

Friendship. I think I have been thinking about this for so many times. I feel so... I don't know how to describe...Let's give an example. Throwback to the past, when I first left secondary school, met new people in British Council, and then stepped in A Level life and met many new friends as well, I was so energetic and sociable and excited to meet everyone, know more about them and wanted to get close with them. I never get tired of social around old friends and new friends, it did spend me a lot of time, but how I wish my life is that exciting and new and fresh. 

I don't know what has changed me, nowadays, I can't find any reason to interact with old friends ( I tried and I found it was so boring and I am so tired let myself tried so hard ) and I am lazy to cope with new friends, like trying to talk to them. Remember last time I can just bound to any gang of friends and we could talk a lot, and they quite liked my personalities. I don't know is it because the friends disappointing me so much, like I did a lot for them, they were like... you know SLOW REACTION. When they have done something for me, i should feel so appreciate and thanks that finally whatever I have done come back to me. But I am not, it's like a wrong timing, I got so tired when I couldn't get the response and when I tried to put it down, and they just realised something. It was like everything is too late. 

I complained a lot, whatever. Life is like this, things don't go as what you expected. I am tired to be a rubbish bin, friends find me and keep pouring the negative stuffs and want me to give advice and cheer them up. There aren't like 1,2 and 3 but 7,8 and 9. Old friends can't understand how hard I feel in A Level but new friends do; but I like to stay with old friends, thats the reason that makes us together, but now seems like no more. But I want life outside of A Level, it is just so stressed me up, sometimes I need nothing is related about A Level, I don't want to think about it. 

Life is hard, the hardest is making decision, and get regret after you made it. Now the market is so competitive, we have no time to lose and wait and regret. Everything has to be fast, how to be simple and relax and happy? I have friends 16 years old study A Level, and now I am 19 years old still haven't done my A Level. They are so ambitious and hardworking, except study they go to do intern or part time. Oh please they are teenagers, but here's life and reality. They are just not aiming for A but A* and full marks, oh yeah I live in this crazy life, surround by crazy people. 

And many blablabla that could just saddened me. You know not a big deal, but just demotivated me. Life is still going on, lets stop the bullshit and yea back to study.

Holidays

It has been a long time I do not reveal my feeling here, I do not know why I'm feeling to write it now. And then I stopped again, for awhile, 5 minutes. I am thinking should I better do some other useful stuffs, but like usual, I was just thinking only.

I got my result today, not that good, but better than last time, can I let myself feel slightly happier? Satisfier? I mean at least something there - harvest. In order to get better and better, I have to work harder and harder, who called me do not have a brain of genius. I don't know, I'm feeling okay, maybe it is because I still do not know any results of my friends yet, no, there is one I know. If want to make a compare, I think it would just let myself down, so at least give me a day of break.

Actually when I wanted to start typing this post, it is about one person. For passed 2 days, there was a lot of coincidences happened between us. I do not know what it means, and I do not want to know, I am tired of this game. It is getting lesser and lesser I talking about it, doesn't it a good sign? I don't know, maybe. By the way, I am happy with it, shouldn't think about non-sense. I have no time and no energy. How he thinks about it, I am just wondering, sometimes. It seems I just slap myself, oops*

3 weeks holidays just passed like that, silently. Although I didn't do many useful and meaningful stuffs, but I think I have rested enough. I feel quite happy that I have read 5 novels, hang out with friends that didn't meet for long time, celebrated 2 besties birthday, my new blog is done and my friends like it, baking skill improved a lot, get my result, done all the stuffs that mommy wanted me to do, accompany family, I got a new cupboard, my room has become super neat and tidy, I watched few drama series, I watched all the movies, I ENJOYED SIMPLE LIFE.

You know, when the school start again, I can't even have simple life like that, as I promised I want to work harder than last time ( I hope so ). So actually this simple life enough to light me up already. It's like taking a break after a long tired run.

I have 2 exciting news, I'm going to Bali next month and Singapore to watch One Direction concert next year March. Beach and sea here I am again. I am feeling happy also because One Direction is going to release new single, brand new music album, DVD Film, live concert movie and perfume! There's a lot of things. I let all these little things to cheer me up, happy can be so easy, keep my mind positive.

I wish I have a new update soon la...see ya guys!

Throwback of last day of exam (16th june )

After 4th June, my birthday celebration stopped halfway as my exam was going on. So, I don't feel like want to tell more how I went through all the tough time so just let's jump to the day of last day of exam! The last paper was MATH C34, well almost gave up of studying. I remember that day clearly because before the paper couldn't even hide my excitement. 

I remember that day I reached school at 6am, as usual. And I received a text from Nicholas asking where am I. I was quite shocked he woke up early and I asked him why and he said he just parked beside the car that beside me. Well, I have an bad idea in my mind. Since Sam was coming to find me and he would pass by Nicholas car first for sure. I wanted Nicholas to hon him in order to scared him. And hahaha Sam really got scared and kicked Nicholas car. I was HAHAHAHA. 

We talked for awhile and decided to join Kietnam for breakfast at OBrien which had promotion -RM 2 for a sandwich! I introduced Kietnam to Nicholas and they are actually perfect match, both of them like to talk in sarcastic way! Who were the pity one to be bully? Sam obviously. And I was the one bully Sam also. ( So sorry not sorry Sam ). But sometimes I just laugh cause I cant really bully people by using English conservations. Kiernam is the best joker ever, in a sarcastic way of course. 

We really had no mood to study so we can chi-chat till 11am and went to library to do final preparation. Well skipped that holy shit part. We already decided go to MV for a movie after exam. 2 cars with 9 people, Kietnam and I were the drivers. 

Blalabla our movie was The Edge Of Tomorrow. The movie was just okay for me cause I almost vomiting blood each time the scene repeated all over again. We had our lunch at Pancake house first then movie then Haagen Dazs Ice Cream. 

Birthday Celebration ( Part 6 ) & Shwu Huey Birthday Celebration 2014

When it is the time to do my stuffs, the stuffs I really need to do, I refuse to do it and always end up typing my blog. I don't know why, really. Sorry that I have abandoned my blog for quite long, I was just can't find the right mood to write it, I expected myself more. You know what, things don't usually go as what you think, but it might turns better though.

This post is supposed to be continued my birthday celebration as what I usual do, follow the sequences. But this time, today, I want to mix it up. See, at least something bored is going to change. I hate the feeling of writing blog is a part of my to-do job and the responsibilities, I want to enjoy sharing stuffs with my friends, pure feeling with pure thought.

Well if follow the sequences, this post should be up for my bestie SHWU HUEY. I'm going to write about birthday celebration of her and mine. So, 2 birthday celebrations - June and August babies.

Well when come to express the words in my deepest thought, I prefer write in Chinese, as usual, my English stuck, Manglish also stuck, you know what I mean? And I believe she would like to read in Chinese because 读华语才有亲切感是不是？！

Birthday Celebration ( Part 6 )

Well sorry let me finish few more sentences. I am so glad that this year I still have you beside me to celebrate my birthday, like past few years. I am so glad that have you celebrated my birthday although you were kinda busy. I am so glad that I have a place inside your heart, the special one I guess. I should be happy because I have a friend who did not find any excuse ( although actually she had ) just came and met me and gave me a big hug and said: Happy Birthday Chea Chea.

Date: 4th June 2014
Venue: Leisure Mall Oiso
Bestie: Shwu Huey

 很开心我们有一张不是自拍照的合照，很珍贵，谢谢那位美丽的老板娘

 我爱吃的巧克力，也是你最爱，不是吗？

 不管照片里的我有多丑，但是我还是放上来，因为我们的每一张照片都很珍贵，我们拍的照不多啊

 你总是爱亲我，哈哈哈，感觉我自己很甜

慧：你吃大便

 好吧，你这个手势很奇怪，不过我已经厌烦了正统的自拍照

看到这张照片，庆幸你现在已经解脱了，很替你高兴，不要再生病啦，小猫咪

I don't know what, I just don't want write any details about it, I just want to write how I feel and what I want to say to you.

 我们的友谊延伸到槟城的那一幅壁画

 没想到你的童心未泯却造就了一个不平凡的约会，不平凡的一天

 出奇吧，我们一个人吹一个，却不经意吹出可以合成snowman的”泡泡气球”

 加上一点点你的DIY，这就是属于我们自己不会融化的SNOWMAN

 这个生日回忆，也很不错吧

固执的你就是不愿意让我把SNOWMAN带去给朋友炫耀，自己把它砸在脸上

很有创意的卡片，可是如果是硬卡会更好，因为折到我们的照片啊。

想起那天你说：我太忙了，买不到礼物给你”

不知道你是否不会说骗话

还是我太了解你

还是你无法在我面前说骗话

我都知道那是你骗我的

不过你知道我不很在意礼物，比起心意

这几年里你给我的卡片我都有好好的保存，我有点想念那个我弄给你的哆啦A梦，都快要不记得是怎样的了。即使是短短的几个小时，你还是让我笑起来，这就是你的魔力。

Shwu Huey Birthday Celebration

Date: 4th August 2014
Venue: Neway
Bestie: Shwu Huey

PS：你注意到了什么吗？我注意到了－COINCIDENCE. 你猜到了让我知道噢。

我不知道你到底比较喜欢那一样我送你的礼物：我的新部落格，我的礼物，我的卡片，精美的FREE MORI 蛋糕，我的DIY蛋糕还是我的出席。有点像 you want coffee, tea or me?

也许一切还不够完美，我知道感动一个人很难，不过我知道你不要求这些，最讨厌就是麻烦人，可是你忘了我喜欢自找麻烦，不过我不是为任何人找自己麻烦的，你要搞清楚这一点。不是麻不麻烦的问题，只是证明你在我心里的分量有多重，只是证明你还有我在乎，只是证明即使麻烦我也愿意。不要说麻烦我，因为我不是你的一般朋友，我是你的知己。如果有一天你不愿麻烦我，我真的会很伤心。

终于，我们履行了一年前的约定，终于我们可以去唱K了！不过只能唱到很少，很不甘愿呢。

前一天晚上，我们还在讨论地点，那时候晚上的我在为你烘蛋糕，我说我为了你有事在忙，你说不用赶，无法完成也没关系。我看着那个面糊，我笑着想弄湿了头还不做下去吗？何况我很愿意的在做。真的，算是成功，不再是馒头，不再是湿湿的，也许上天也知道我的心意帮了我一把吧。虽然我在做的时候放了那个chocolate nuts，拼成你的名字，可是在蛋糕膨胀的时候，全都沉进去了，像是城市沦陷一样。我以为你不会介意chocolate nuts，不过凡是nuts你都不喜欢吃啊，不过好在可以挑出来。看着那个蛋糕的成品我喜滋滋，不过事情总不完美，因为我的爱心有了一点点裂痕，像脱皮了那样。到了第二天，它就裂了，真的是啊。虽然它是裂了的爱心，可是还是包含我的心意，我才不会相信我们的友谊像那个蛋糕的预言一样那么脆弱，一切还不是因为COINCIDENCE。如果我没把那个蛋糕切成爱心shape，它也不过是一个裂成两半的月亮shape。那可是我第一次为朋友做的生日蛋糕，你要感到无比的荣幸啊，我的第一次献给你了，哈哈哈。如果你又要再说下次不要再麻烦啦我就要抽飞你。

那个卡片是不是很美叻，还有刻了你的名字，人家英国坐飞机回来嗒。不过看见那个摩天轮，就知道是属于你的，要谢谢那位为我寄回来的朋友。

还是有你最爱的哆啦A梦，黄色的刚好配上那一条裙子。看见你最近都穿裙子了嘛，扮起淑女了嘛，所以无论如何你都会派上用场的。那个裙子应该很适合你？上面稍微可爱下面是你喜欢的仙女风。

FREE MORI的蛋糕很美很精致也很好吃，不想你捧着那个裂了的蛋糕拍照所以就买这一块补偿那个不完美，将就下啦我是个new bee.

傻里傻气的你总是让我笑不掩嘴

最喜欢看见你幸福的笑容

3cm的距离

虽然我们最近的见面总是冲冲忙忙，只是3-4个小时后便要赶去学校，但是我很想告诉你，即使那几个小时，好比我与那些呆上5-6个小时的朋友却还找不到我该出席的理由。我们之间不会有沉默，因为你总是笑笑说不停，却也不会忘了和我的互动。你还是那个你，即使你心里变了个样，但是我还是知道你心里想什么。与你见面我不会有兴奋，有着的是踏实的窝心感，我总知道见到你，会是一个怎样的你，所以我的嘴角总是往上翘。

陈淑慧，你要快乐噢！即使未来的路怎样走，没有在你的生活里，但是会在你的心里。