Depress

I am feeling depressing now. I don't know which is the exactly one, but all sum up just bring me down. Thats lots of things, I don't understand and I don't know what to do. 

How's my studies? Well everything is still alright, I keep myself do the revision, try not to miss lots of things at the end. It depresses me a little as no matter how hard I work I end up couldn't get what I want. It is just too difficult for me, sometimes I wonder how my future will go? I have no dream on something, even I have, I have tried so hard yet I still cant manage to do it. 

Friendship. I think I have been thinking about this for so many times. I feel so... I don't know how to describe...Let's give an example. Throwback to the past, when I first left secondary school, met new people in British Council, and then stepped in A Level life and met many new friends as well, I was so energetic and sociable and excited to meet everyone, know more about them and wanted to get close with them. I never get tired of social around old friends and new friends, it did spend me a lot of time, but how I wish my life is that exciting and new and fresh. 

I don't know what has changed me, nowadays, I can't find any reason to interact with old friends ( I tried and I found it was so boring and I am so tired let myself tried so hard ) and I am lazy to cope with new friends, like trying to talk to them. Remember last time I can just bound to any gang of friends and we could talk a lot, and they quite liked my personalities. I don't know is it because the friends disappointing me so much, like I did a lot for them, they were like... you know SLOW REACTION. When they have done something for me, i should feel so appreciate and thanks that finally whatever I have done come back to me. But I am not, it's like a wrong timing, I got so tired when I couldn't get the response and when I tried to put it down, and they just realised something. It was like everything is too late. 

I complained a lot, whatever. Life is like this, things don't go as what you expected. I am tired to be a rubbish bin, friends find me and keep pouring the negative stuffs and want me to give advice and cheer them up. There aren't like 1,2 and 3 but 7,8 and 9. Old friends can't understand how hard I feel in A Level but new friends do; but I like to stay with old friends, thats the reason that makes us together, but now seems like no more. But I want life outside of A Level, it is just so stressed me up, sometimes I need nothing is related about A Level, I don't want to think about it. 

Life is hard, the hardest is making decision, and get regret after you made it. Now the market is so competitive, we have no time to lose and wait and regret. Everything has to be fast, how to be simple and relax and happy? I have friends 16 years old study A Level, and now I am 19 years old still haven't done my A Level. They are so ambitious and hardworking, except study they go to do intern or part time. Oh please they are teenagers, but here's life and reality. They are just not aiming for A but A* and full marks, oh yeah I live in this crazy life, surround by crazy people. 

And many blablabla that could just saddened me. You know not a big deal, but just demotivated me. Life is still going on, lets stop the bullshit and yea back to study.